To keep my memories alive;

Tuesday, 4 January 2011
11:55 pm

i'm back. finally after 2 yrs of nt updating. basically, new yr. where every1 has a resolution to make a difference in their life. so do i. leaving all e past behind. looking forward for a better vision n mission. all this while, e lonely feeling in me still e same. e same lady who i really love in life left me for the 3rd time in my life. i asked her, what did i do wrong till she did this to me. aft yrs of nt crying for the person who i really love. she did. i was down at tt moment. things happened for a reason. like what i told her before. same goes to my close buddy who told me this before. maybe this is the way of my life. sometimes, i asked god. why can't i hv the person of my choice and the person who really love. till today, i'm still asking why. god has his reason for all this thing to happen. i feel grateful god has a plan for me. alhamdulillah. syukur kepada mu ya allah.

most of my friend r engage. so do my close buddy. every1 is asking about me. told them, nt in a rush. like a phrase being said, good men r for good women and good things are for those who wait patience. i know god is testing my patience. he wants to see how i handle the situation. aku redha pade mu ya allah. feel like i got trauma. trauma of what happened and what she did to me. there's no point 4 her to prove to me about learning quran with her father. u should have just gone for good. why still bother about me. u said that u hurt me a lot. and don't want to hurt anymore but you did it again. mark my words, i'll never forgive you for the rest of my life till i face god on judgement day. yes, even prophet forgave his people. sometimes, this bunch of people took advantage. life still goes on aftall. i kept dreaming about her coming back. finally, its a sign. on top of that, another dream which telling me you're my destiny. it can never be the same even if you tried your best. u sms me asking about learning quran. stop pretending, please don't do it because of her but because of allah. stop being an hypocrite and 2 face human being. your words doesn't mean anything to me anymore. you know that i'll never forgive you anymore. that's the reason why you do this. when i owe you a favour, all you will ask in return is to forgive you. sorry, my heart says no. you've hurt me too much. a phrase saying, hina besi kerana karat, hina manusia kerana budi. maybe your parent don't know how to nurture you with the value of being a true person but instead being a big time liar in life. maybe now, you can be in happy phase. but allah is always looking. he'll give e punishment according to what you did last time. lucky for me, to have all the beautiful and wonderful people in my life. my blood, my foster family, my stn personnel. i would to say thank you to aji, fitri, huda, mary, ashik and asri for being there for me. during the hard time of my life. w/o this people, i would have lost myself. i volunteer to help people outside my country. that's the nature of my job. to make a difference in my life. i know that making a difference in people's life is a good thing. sometimes, people are asking why i risk my own life to save others. simple i replied, if i don't do it. who else wants to do.

from 2011, all i want is to achieve my goals and all i asked from allah is to take her far away from my heart and my life. and give me the strength to overcome all the obstacle. amin

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