Lately, I’ve been under a lot of pressure. It looks like things are repeatin by itself conversion in malay phrase “PISANG DA BEBUAH 2 KALI”. Thinking bout my personal problems n other stuff. Things r cockin up again in my life like hw it happened 2 yrs back. I’ve been thinkin y it revolved back in virtual cycle. Pressure bout my studies e main concern. As I’m movin 2 yr 3 next it will b e critical yr 4 as I need 2 fulfill 2 FYP which is a killin 1. I see my frens who repeat just bcoz of FYP cocked up. So I’m tryin nt 2 b like tt as time will b wasted as 1 sem need 2 repeat. It means repeatin 1 sem is payin xtra $$. Just 1 things tt I had bout FYP. Which is programming. DAMN!!!! It will b a killin things 4 me as my programmin is nt gd.

E other prob is bout R/S. I was thinkin n everytime I think bout it, e feelin in me makes my thinkin n feelin mixed up between my life, career n goals. As previous prob makes me like there’s no meanin in my life anymore. As I reflects tt I’m growin as time bypass. With current age of 20, I alr need 2 think bout 4 my future. Meanin e future of my life depends on myself. With current situation, I managed 2 solve 1 of my prob previously with my dad. Which took me 4 yrs 2 settle it. as e reason is tt I was totally mad at tt moment with my dad n need sometimes 2 cool down. So managed 2 talk things out with my dad n also e family members. So Alhamdulillah everythin went well.

Nw is bout R/S. it seems tt everytime, I was tryin 2 build back somethin 2 what it is bt somethin else happened. Even I’ve let go of e person, I would still give them a chance 2 turn back. Bt e only things tt I dun understand bout myself is tt when I wanted 2 turn back 2 e things tt I left behind in tryin 2 improved it, is tt I dun get e chance. Sometimes I’m askin myself till 2day y I dun get e chances. Sometimes when I think bout it e 1^st thing tt came in2 my mind is tt will there b another chance 4 me??? I had faced e obstacle thru e 4 yrs of hell journey where there was no chance 4 me 2 turn back in tryin 2 shape myself n also faced e true world on e street. Ppl ard me r helpin me 2 shape myself in2 better person as day bypass. Bt some r just lettin me down. Bt I took it as a challenge. E pain tt I went thru all this while is unbearable. I had 2 faced e truth of life which means separation. In life, I had 2 accept e fact of separation. Bt I’m tryin 2 accept it bt each time I’m tryin my feelin n thinkin shattered. Can’t 4get bout what happened 2 me. it’s like a nitemare tt had been haunting me all this while. I took a learnin lesson fr my dad xperience. Which my mum told me when my dad was nt ard. E day of e solemnization of my dad n my mum, my dad X fiancée came n told my dad tt she wants 2 b with my dad again. I scared tt my fate will b e same like my dad. Since last time, I’ve been reflectin back on myself hw come I was able 2 excel in other things in life bt nt in R/S. e ans was nt found yet. Till 2day I was still searchin 4 e ans 2 my question.